A few weeks ago we talked about having the “it” factor and ways that you can help improve your charisma and level of connection with others.  We learned that charisma is not a mythological quality, it can be learned and improved.  The other day I came across an article that talked about reasons why we fall short of connecting with others.  I thought I would use this as a base for a post today.  Below are 5 common road blocks that prevent us from connecting or building great relationships with others.

  • Reason #1: Pride.  For the most part people do not want to follow or be around someone that feels that they are better than everyone else.  Are you able to accept when you are wrong at times?  Do you have so much pride that you are always right and put others down along the way?  I think that pride also points to someone that thinks they know it all.  Someone that is afraid to ask for help or even look at another point of view.  Pride is one of the most common road blocks for people achieving much success.   
  • Reason #2: Insecurity.  How do you view yourself?  If you are insecure about yourself, chances are that others will be as well.  Again people tend to shy away from relationships where they do not feel better about themselves.  By being strong and secure you can actually help others feel that way about themselves.  Don’t let self doubt creep in. 
  • Reason #3: Moodiness.  Are you consistent?  Do people know what they are going to get when you are in the room?  The worst thing you can do is to be all over the place with how you feel and act.  People want to know what to expect, if it is too up and down they will begin to expect too much down.  It adds another level of stress to the situation if people are afraid of how you will react.  They will be less likely to confide in you if they cannot predict that you will listen to them and support them if needed.   
  • Reason #4: Perfectionism.  I think this is one of my biggest weaknesses.  People can respect the high standards and the pursuit of excellence but do not like the feeling of never being good enough.  I always talk about continually raising the bar but I also need to make sure that the expectations are reasonable and attainable.  Small wins are the best way to build momentum.  Momentum is one of the best traits an organization can have to win long term.  Perfectionism stands in the way of building this momentum.   
  • Reason #5: Cynicism.  This is probably the one that irritates me the most.  I cannot stand someone who always sees the negative in a situation.  Someone that always tells me why something can’t or won’t work.  People that are positive do not want to stifled by someone that always wants to rain on their parade.  One of my favorite quotes from Henry Ford is “whether you think you can or you think you can’t, you’re right.”  The more people fill their head and the heads of others with reasons we will fail, the chances of failure increase exponentially.  It is ok to be a realist and voice an objection but this cannot be your answer for every suggestion. 
  • The bottom line is that we all need to be self aware.  Our ability to grow and achieve more is based on our ability to be self aware of our strengths and our weaknesses.  Here is the challenge for this week.  Which one of these areas is holding you back from achieving and connecting at a higher level?  Chances are others will see these qualities in us long before we notice them ourselves.  Ask people close to you to be honest and tell you which one area you should focus on over the next 6 months to help make better connections.  As you look at improving those qualities about yourself remember to strive for being humble, secure, positive, consistent and hungry.

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